i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You ruined the universe
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