Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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