guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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