If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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