I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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