Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize