i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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