I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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