He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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