Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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