I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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