Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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