So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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