I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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