At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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