some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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