I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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