Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize