Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize