I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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