recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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