took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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