Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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