Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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