It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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