Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
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The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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