Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize