Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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