I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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