A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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