Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize