I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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