I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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