i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize