You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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