and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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