Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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