6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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