your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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