I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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