just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize