Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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