She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize