I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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