ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just googled if crying burns calories
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Randomize