just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize