is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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