So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize