Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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