I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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